Monday, January 21, 2013

Hook up or real date. Which one do you prefer?

(This post is gender neutral. Insert whatever gender suits your situation.)

Are you part of the hook up culture? I am not but then again I am waaaaay beyond being part of any kind of culture. I am an advocate of the actual dating experience though. I have observed amongst the young’uns that dating is passé. Such a shame. Hate to break it to you but spending time with people, not FBing them or tweeting them, teaches one how to read facial expressions, body language and hones the skill needed to detect if words being said match the visual being presented. All of that is missing in the hook up. You'll probably say that's what a hook up is about. True, but it looks like a cheerless means to an end. Dating used to be where you tested your appeal, your rap, your swagger. Where do you test that now if you don't date? I'd really like to know. I have a few questions about the hook up. Is it solely for sex? How do you arrange one? Don't tell me. Let me guess I’m sure it involves a cellphone and texting. God forbid should anyone actually talk to each other face-to-face. Ladies, you mean to tell me that a guy who has no social skills other than opposable thumbs can get in your pants? Whoa! I weep for humanity. You can be had for a Happy Meal. No wait not even that if a hook up is purely for sex. And gentlemen, you don’t mind spending time (minutes) with a chick that dispenses herself like the contents of a gumball machine because you were able to punch her digits? How do you cultivate real social skills or have anything lasting if your ability to relate has gotten watered down to texting the endearing and heart-warming question: SUP? C’mon people are you that nonchalant? No matter how cerebral and detached you want to remain, feelings are going to creep in when you are making the beast with two backs on a regular basis. The only person capable of being somewhat detached would be a hooker because it’s his/her JOB not a hobby.

I have no illusions about dating. It can be a train wreck or a treat. However I like that uncertainty. I also like that the guy takes the time to ask me out, suggests dinner and then makes the reservation. I like the whole build up to the date: primping in the bathroom, picking out that perfect outfit, dancing to my favorite music while I get ready, etc. It’s an occasion. Plus, when my guy arrives he looks sharp: smelling good, looking good, every inch the gentleman. He has made an EFFORT to get my interest. And when I refer to my interest it encompasses my presence, my time, my friendship and eventually me. He could be frontin’ but I’ll find out. Yes, I know it can go awry. Hell, anything can go awry. Even the foolproof, no-strings attached hook-up can go awry. But Lord have mercy if you are a sure thing, there is no mystery, no chase, no sizzle. You become the person who gets called on Saturday morning at 2am because it’s known that you are available “to hook up.” It makes no difference if a person knocks on your door or punches your number, a booty call is a booty call. No amount of technology can change that fact.

That’s why I asked if the hook-up is solely about getting off, because if it is, don’t bother making that call. Cut out the middle man all together. Stay home, watch porn and go crazy with yourself. For tightwads, the timid, the socially awkward or the lazy, it’s the cheapest, safest, sure thing around.

Friday, January 18, 2013

Incessant cellphone use versus incessant self-abuse. Are they the same?

Let’s just get it out there. I have a cell. It is the only phone I have now which makes me crazy. I prefer landlines and will get one again when I can. On the east coast when that earthquake happened a couple of years ago, phone towers which service cells were knocked out. So cell users had no phone service. Half the landlines still had service. Yes! Give me a landline. Please. So when all returns to normal in my life I will be getting a landline. Probably a princess for the bedroom, a wall phone for the kitchen and a good old black desk phone for the hall that looks like something Bruce Wayne used in the 1960s. Oh. I’ll keep the cell for back up. I know. I’m weird. I do not hold conversations on my cell. If I do, I keep exchanges short and sweet. I do not play games on it or surf the net or update my Facebook status. I do not text unless necessary. I don’t need a phone to entertain me. My computer is separate from my phone. TV watching is separate from my phone. I like a large screen on which to watch things not a small screen. Looking at TV on a phone is devolution to me. I don't want anything Wi-Fi that close to my head all the time. Plus, people put their entire freakin' lives on these toys and then when they lose it or it gets stolen, they lose their minds. I do not want that kind of attachment to an inanimate object.

My take on cellphone use? It is a type of incessant masturbation. Really examine how, why and when you use it. Do you use it when you are bored? How long can you go without using it during the day? Do you think about using it? And when you do use it, do you get lost in the feeling and lose track of time? And first and foremost, does it feel good to ya? Have you been diagnosed with “carpel tunnel syndrome” or some other sort of ligament problem connected to your hand?  If you said “yes” to any or all of these questions, you may suffer from cellphone rubout. I think incessant cellphone use has replaced sex. So much for technological advancement.