Friday, January 18, 2013

Incessant cellphone use versus incessant self-abuse. Are they the same?

Let’s just get it out there. I have a cell. It is the only phone I have now which makes me crazy. I prefer landlines and will get one again when I can. On the east coast when that earthquake happened a couple of years ago, phone towers which service cells were knocked out. So cell users had no phone service. Half the landlines still had service. Yes! Give me a landline. Please. So when all returns to normal in my life I will be getting a landline. Probably a princess for the bedroom, a wall phone for the kitchen and a good old black desk phone for the hall that looks like something Bruce Wayne used in the 1960s. Oh. I’ll keep the cell for back up. I know. I’m weird. I do not hold conversations on my cell. If I do, I keep exchanges short and sweet. I do not play games on it or surf the net or update my Facebook status. I do not text unless necessary. I don’t need a phone to entertain me. My computer is separate from my phone. TV watching is separate from my phone. I like a large screen on which to watch things not a small screen. Looking at TV on a phone is devolution to me. I don't want anything Wi-Fi that close to my head all the time. Plus, people put their entire freakin' lives on these toys and then when they lose it or it gets stolen, they lose their minds. I do not want that kind of attachment to an inanimate object.

My take on cellphone use? It is a type of incessant masturbation. Really examine how, why and when you use it. Do you use it when you are bored? How long can you go without using it during the day? Do you think about using it? And when you do use it, do you get lost in the feeling and lose track of time? And first and foremost, does it feel good to ya? Have you been diagnosed with “carpel tunnel syndrome” or some other sort of ligament problem connected to your hand?  If you said “yes” to any or all of these questions, you may suffer from cellphone rubout. I think incessant cellphone use has replaced sex. So much for technological advancement.

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